This.

February 10th, 2010:

“You know, it’s pretty amazing that afterall this time, I still can’t find it in me to ever, ever, ever, even be the slightest upset at him. I just can’t. I love him too much. I am 120% happy/content…STILL. If not, even more. I just keep falling more and more and more and more, every single day. I want to spend every single second with him. When I’m with him, I’m so happy, like nothing else in the world matters. I have these moments where I just sit there staring at him, thinking to myself how extremely lucky I am. And when I’m not with him I miss him like CRAZY. I’m just not exactly sure how to explain myself…but pretty much I am crazy in love with this guy. It’s just too perfect, that at times it feels surreal. I have to ask myself, “Is this real?”, and hey it is, and I’m so grateful. I don’t know how I ever got this lucky to find someone like him. He’s been in front of me this WHOLE TIME. I guess life just has a funny way of working, but I’m not complaining. Not one bit.”

August 19th 2011:

“I wish I could put into words what I’ve been dealing with and feeling the past two weeks. I guess the closest term I could actually think of is: hell. I’ve been on a constant roller-coaster and I’m not sure how to deal with everything. I’ve never felt so many different negative emotions in my life. What I can honestly say though is that I KNOW I’ve grown stronger, just in the past few days alone. I’m so proud of myself for being so strong and holding everything together as best as I can. Even though I feel like completely falling apart sometimes, I hold back from doing so. In the past few days I’ve learned that you can’t ever completely trust or think you know someone. I’ve learned to never completely let my guard down. I’ve also learned that people can be completely heartless and fucked up. But most of all I’ve learned that life happens. Life happens in the most hardest, confusing ways. I don’t ever want to completely give myself and put my everything into a person again, for a very, very long time.

Worthless, pathetic, betrayed, lost, confused, satisfied, happy, grateful, hurt, not being able to physically stop myself from thinking about you, and every single thing reminding me of you. I hope all of this is over soon. I just want everything to be okay in the end.”

Life is so funny sometimes. And this just shows how. The best part is when you think your life is over and it’s really not.